The Age Difference and the Father/Daughter Syndrome
We meet a lot of couples. It goes with the territory, obviously. We see them in our office. We communicate with our clients by email all the time. It doesn’t take long for us to see how they relate to each other.
Age differences CAN make a difference…..although they don’t necessarily make a difference, and they shouldn’t make a difference. I think it really comes down to the intentions of the men who went looking for a future bride. Were they looking for their soulmate, or were they looking for a pretty face and a curvy young body? Their soulmate COULD very well have a pretty face and a curvy young body, but the point is whether that was just the icing on the cake or whether that was the whole issue!
My wife is my best friend. She was when we met, and she is even more so today. No one understands me and trusts me and stands by me like she does, and I miss her even when she goes to the shops for a few hours. We work together, and we’re practically never apart…..and that’s how we like it. This would NOT have happened if this wasn’t what I was looking for. Looks fade, and sex drive diminishes over the years. And if your lady was just after money, once she’s in Australia and technically owns half your assets, that desperate need will have diminished in her. Then what?
We get couples whom we meet in our office who sit there and finish each other’s sentences. They playfully tease each other. You can see a real connection. You can see a mutual respect! They love each other for WHO they are, and not for WHAT they are.
Then we get others where it’s not there at all. Instead we see awkwardness and a lack of understanding. And we see an overprotectiveness from him towards her. She’s his pretty little doll, and he’s her guardian and protector. She’s not his life-partner or his soulmate. He’s like a father figure.
Filipina ladies are NOT made of egg shells. They’re remarkably tough and resilient. Yes, they remain feminine and sweet, yet they can endure hardship and hard work that would leave their western counterparts gasping for breath. Young ladies regularly work jobs where they work 10-12 hours a day for 6 or more days a week, and either commute back and forth to home or they’ll rent a “bedspace” (a patch of floorspace that’s enough to sleep on in a private home) during the week and commute home to see their families on Sundays. Or they’ll work for decades in countries like Saudi Arabia so they can send their siblings through university. And you know what else? She’ll still keep on smiling!
If you think she’s too delicate to organise the documents she needs for a visa application, you don’t know her at all! If you think you need to fly over to hold her hand whilst she undergoes her medical check for her visa, you know nothing about her! You don’t have to find out how to organise her documents for her. In most cases she already knows, and if she isn’t she will have the resourcefulness to sort it out. Don’t treat her like she’s stupid or incompetent!
And if she bursts into tears and makes a fuss over every little thing that happens, then maybe she’s playing on your attitude! She’s becoming a spoilt brat, basically. This is her fault for being selfish, and it’s your fault for letting it happen. It’s no basis for a good relationship! Combine that with tossing money at her, and you have a real problem brewing.
We find the father/daughter syndrome couples very painful to deal with. These are the ones where the girl:
♦ Doesn’t respond to our requests for information and/or documents
♦ Is very slow in gathering requested documents or completing questionnaires and other forms
♦ Cries and plays the victim whenever we get a bit tough with her
Then HE will:
♦ Contact us, often very quickly after we’ve been a bit tough with her, or simply after we’ve asked for something from her
♦ Tell us how she is “so scared”, “so worried”, “so confused” about the particular issue, or about the whole process
♦ Expect my wife Mila to call the girl and to “hold her hand” through something often very simple because she is “so scared”, “so confused”, etc. Mila will invariably call the girl and find out that all is fine, ie. she was putting on a performance in order to either get out of doing something, or to somehow “punish” us for supposedly being so mean to her.
Honestly, we have no problem in helping clients. Please never think that. Our job is to help, and we can, will and do go the extra mile for our clients. Sometimes language barriers necessitate Mila calling a lady and explaining things to her. This is fine! But we don’t like silly games that only stand in the way of us doing our job, and we don’t mince words!
I have a 13yr old adopted daughter who wants to be fussed over and protected when something troubles her. That’s OK. She’s my daughter and she’s 13! A future life-partner and mother of your children, whom you trust with paying bills and keeping the lives of you and your future children safe is NOT somebody whom you should be treating like a baby! If the love and caring and support is all going in one direction, then this is not right. This is NOT your soulmate!
Again I will state that age should NOT have anything to do with it. You can find your soulmate in a woman who is many decades younger than you, just as you can find a gold digger in someone the same age as you. Find that person who will become your best friend and a true life-partner, and age won’t come into it. If you look upon her as a sex object, or if you look upon her as a china-doll that you need to protect and nurture, then your future will be bleak.
Free
Philippine Marriage Guide
Insights into laws and customs surrounding Marriage in the Philippines
X
Jeff is registered migration agent who has been helping couples with visas to Australia ... Jeff is the owner / operator of Down Under Visa. If you would like to SUBSCRIBE, please click HERE.
I would love to have your prospective as you watch couples in the beginning stages and as they work through the immigration process. I am interested in connecting with someone who will tell me if they see any behaviors of concern as I begin the process of bringing my girlfriend over to the U.S. for a fiancé visit and then later for good. Do you have any suggestions?
Good article Jeff, I assume this is an old one I have not seen before;
True for some yes but I have found that with my 32 year younger partner that there needs to be the odd push, (as an old Aussie Prime Minister said “life wasn’t meant to be easy”) some times people are lazy or think that others will pick up the slack, at times we all need guidance, our better halves as well as ourselves.On the whole though, you are correct about the determination and resilience of the Filipino people. Cheers